*pitter patter*

i'm only happy when it rains

bewbs has an issue with thunderstorms. i love them! thunder, lightning, dark clouds - whats not to love!? i think i love it best just before the actual rain starts when you can see and hear the clouds light up. cloud-to-cloud lightning is like a visual orgasm. weee!

when i think about it, bewbs is like a thunderstorm. dark, loud, and sometimes she flashes things (or at least creepy men hope that she would). the only difference, thunderstorms are not short. har har!

cheapness

Every four weeks I go up a bra size...it's worth being pregnant just for the breasts.

i was out and about the other day with senorita buying groceries amongst other things (bras). you might be asking yourself, what were bras and groceries doing in the same store... well wal-mart is amazing. except we werent at wal-mart or any other mart for that matter. in the bra store i learned about bewbs' bra size, impressive. anyways, i wanted chocolate chips. senorita made me get these generic ones, like sand rolling around on my tongue, craptastic! thanks senorita, you made my day.

im cold *whines*

I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.

my friend bewbs was complaining to me today about how its cold. really cold indoors. dont ask me why the heater isnt on, apparently its ineffective in penetrating the silky smoothness that is her skin. PHAW! what a load of hooey. so i asked her how many layers she was wearing and she replied, 3. PATHETIC! you fully need at least 5 to be warm. i detailed this to her as follows: a long sleeve shirt, 2 tshirts on top of that, then a sweater, then a bigger sweater, then a coat. Then for your bottom tight pants or jeans, then baggy jeans or baggy shorts/boxers, then sweats. socks are useless when layered, just use 2 and put on sherpa slippers. then you can drape yourself in a comforter. then i followed this up with my one peice of practical advice, the only real problem with so many layers is before and after showers and when you want to pee. voila, how to live like a hobo by me.

mall rat.

Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)

i went shopping with bewbs today. hawt. attacted a lot of attention. tehehehe. i went to get my celebratory sweater, its argyle. but it was sold out in my size! woe is me. sometimes i wish i were... umm... larger. if i were larger everything would also be cheaper. and id get bang for my buck. more fabric for a lower cost! you know its true, everything worth getting on that stupid sale rack is XXXL... grr. or perhaps i just wont care if my clothes hang off me so much as to give the impression that its a poncho instead of a sweater. haha. i said poncho. i dont think id ever purchase a celebratory poncho. of course there are some pretty snazzy ponchos out there. like the one martha stewart, my hero, wore out of prison. its a good thing so lets celebrate.

your mom.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it.

i have this friend... we will call her... bewbs. i know she wont like that. she doesnt like many things. and to all things she doesnt like she gives you this look, it do be evil. her eyelids narrow into slits like a snake and then her face bunches up and red lasers pierce through your soul. the glare, as it is known in the underground, is deadly. last time she dished it out i had to pee every hour on the hour or else id wet myself from reoccurring flashbacks of horror! im going to see bewbs in a few minutes, i cant wait! its always a fight for you life, really makes you feel alive.

anyways... i think i overcooked my potato :( its no longer potato salad but mashed potato. *sigh*