How you feel about love.

642 Things to Write About

Last Monday at 6:00AM, Mpfft woke up to see Tqrt sprawled all over the bottom half of the bed.  Mpfft teasingly called Tqrt "Zdww" due to Tqrt's odd sleeping habits.  Mpfft looked fondly upon Tqrt's dark purple eye, a birth defect.  How Tqrt was born with only a single purple eye is a secret Mpfft will never know.  Mpfft found it endearing but had never said anything about it to Tqrt; it's a very touchy subject.  Both of them agreed age, weight and hair colour were also taboo.  Mqfft slowly got out of bed and quietly walked to the washroom to get ready for work.  The commute was dreadful.  Tqrt's workplace was five minutes down the block and could sleep in every morning.  Mpfft was only slightly bitter, only slightly.

This Monday was different.  This Monday Mpfft buried Tqrt in the early morning.  A hit and run on Tqrt's way to work.  No longer bitter, Mpfft laid down on the bottom half of Mpfft's once shared bed and fell asleep.

----

I read the topic for today's post as, "Write a true story about how you feel about love."  I interpreted it as, write a story about love.  I wasn't aiming for the dark and twisted 50 Shades of Grey or anything.  In light of the Chick-Fil-A controversy, I wanted to communicate that love doesn't discriminate.  In my short story, both characters can be either male and/or female. Everybody pairing combination can have silly nicknames, secrets and sore points.  Everybody can love and be hurt.  Everybody is equal, period.

<3 p="p" sob="sob" tear="tear" uncontrollably="uncontrollably">

A cockroach at the Roosevelt.

642 Things to Write About

OK I will be the first to admit I had to Google for places named Roosevelt.  I feel so young it's invigorating!

Fred walked into the dining room and waited by the entrance to be seated.  He looked around, the place seemed to be buzzing with energy.  He could feel it in the air.  Everyone in the room was dressed in their best.  The table closest to him had a pretty young lady and gentleman dining together.  He suspected they were on a date by what she had ordered.  He could see the lettuce on her fork, it appeared lightly dressed.

"Yuck," Fred blurted loudly.  He was immediately embarrassed and hoped nobody had heard him.  Salad, in Fred's humble opinion, was the worst kind of food on earth only made worse by lack of dressing.  The girl was pretty though.

After waiting 10 minutes for sub-par service Fred proceeded to down the aisle of tables and chairs hoping to find an empty one.  Alas, perhaps this was not his night.  As Fred circled back to the entrance he glanced back at the couple near the door to find a bored-looking young lady and a missing young man.  Fred decided to approach the table and try his luck.

As Fred approached the table the young lady screamed, "COCKROACH!" The pretty young lady was horrified.  As she tried to squish Fred, she tipped over the table and dropped her half-eaten salad. Fred thought belatedly as he quickly nibbled on the salad, the pretty young one's scare the best but pick meals the worst.

Tell the true story of a dramatic moment in your life, but weave in one secret and one lie.

642 Things to Write About

It was a cold and very icy night, I was reviewing my notes before an nighttime exam.  It was set to start at 7:00PM which is 10 levels of crazy.  Who can even function that late at night?  I was about to fall into an after dinner food coma.

It was approaching 5:50PM when the last bus to school was set to arrive.  I packed up my things, headed out to the stop and arrived 10 minutes.  I waited outside in the cold for 45 minutes before finally giving up and calling a cab.  The cab dispatcher told me it would take 30-40 minutes for a cab to arrive, I freaked out and had a mini-panic attack!  It would be cutting it close.  As I waited I began to seriously worry which did nothing for my confidence.

The cab arrived five minutes past seven.  I arrived at my final 20 minutes late and 20 dollars lighter. It was all OK though, I was confidence incarnate.  The only thought in my mind was: git'er done.

Life Lesson: Always take the second last bus to school.

Your friend calls to say she saw you in the back of a police car yesterday. What happened?

642 Things to Write About

There is only one reason why I would be in a police car -- murder.  I kid.  Protection seems the likely candidate.  Protection from a murderer is definitely likely.  Who would want to kill me?  Well, why do people kill at all?  It's a raging impulse or psychosis.

But wait, I could go crazy.  What would drive me to the point of murderous rage?  Poor e-mail etiquette.  Here are some solutions to improve e-mail etiquette and here are some pictures of people going crazy.  I really do not enjoy being CC'ed on everything or super long e-mails. Pet peeves make people tick.

To Possible Employers: This is a joke and not meant to be taken seriously. Please consider my application, I am 5 levels of enthusiasm and half work-horse. :)

Write a recipe for disaster.

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1 Cup Laundry Detergent
1 Washing Machine
1 Pair of New Selvage Jeans

In the end, you get money spent on jeans you could have spent elsewhere.

A man jumps from the fortieth story of a building. As he's passing the twenty-eighth floor, he hears a phone ring and regrets that he jumped. Why?

642 Things to Write About

Earlier in the day Fred was feeling lucky. It was strange that he felt lucky at all due to his lifetime of bad luck.

He distinctly remembered the moment when he realized his parents had cursed him. It was a bright clear day when he realized how unusual it was he and his 6 siblings were all named Fred. His parents believed it would be easier to call everybody to dinner, a name and identity of convenience. This lead to multiple convictions laid against him for assault, fraud and murder committed by his siblings but served by him.

When he was finally released from prison and settled down to a quiet life in a small town it began to fall apart again. He'd recently broke up with his boyfriend, Bill. Or rather in a bizarre turn of events Bill left him for his sister, Fred.

But earlier in the day Fred had purchased a lottery ticket. The winning lottery ticket if the early morning radio announcer was correct. He could feel his fortunes changing.

In a bizarre turn of events Fred's wallet was stolen by the very same sister that had stolen away Bill. It contained the lottery ticket. Fred had tried Fred numerous times hoping she would return his wallet. She wasn't particularly bright so there was a chance she didn't know what she held.

In a bizarre turn of events earlier on that same day, Fred's sister Fred had her phone stolen by Bill, Fred's ex-boyfriend, and only recently got the message from her unlucky brother Fred. She was dialing her brother's number just as he leaped off his office building.

Fast-forward to the present as time slowed while Fred was falling past the twenty-eighth floor of his office building and heard Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen, a personalized ringtone for his delinquent sister. Fred screamed, "CURSE YOUR FRED, CURSE YOU!" as he plummeted to his death.

Describe five memories. Events you remember really well. Then take one of them further.

642 Things to Write About

1. I remember this morning. I slept at 5am because it was simply too hot to fall asleep unless I was exhausted. In the hours past midnight, I watched more episodes of What Not to Wear than I care to count.

2. I remember waking up to a call from a friend, she wanted me to meet her at the mall. I promptly got out of bed, found some clothes, smelled some socks and ran out the door.

3. I distinctly remember requiring coffee on the subway ride downtown.

4. I distinctly remember having coffee while at the mall. Just me and the coffee - together as one.

5. I remember we had Japanese for lunch - the type of food not the people.

Well to take one further, after we had lunch we walked further downtown in the sweltering heat to the train station. We said our goodbyes and she boarded a bus perhaps never to be seen or heard from again... Except that's not true because I spoke with her mere seconds ago. How does one take a memory further? What does that even mean?

The meanest thing anyone has ever said to you.

642 Things to Write About

I think people have said, say and will keep saying mean things but nothing of "meanest" quality. Sometimes when people give feedback they are blunt. #guilty. Sometimes you have to receive it to know that impact it has on others. Anyways, leadership lesson learned. So next time somebody says something super mean, provide them with equally mean feedback, perhaps they will learn like I once did.

PERSON 1 "You pathetic and a loser."
PERSON 2 "And you are terrible at providing quality feedback that will be received with open ears and taken into serious consideration."

I recommend practicing this infront of the mirror though, blunt random feedback usually comes out of the blue and you need to react fast!

A sneeze.

642 Things to Write About

When I was younger one of my favourite books ever was one by Dr Seuss, Because a Little Bug Went Ka-Choo! I borrowed it from the library, lost it, found it and never returned it. Enjoy.

Something you found.

642 Things to Write About

After moving home, I found my appetite and gained 10 pounds. Let us never speak of this ever again. Ever.

Something you lost.

642 Things to Write About

For Christmas one year my father helped me and brother hunt down Pokemon Blue and Red for our presents. I swear it was +20 EB Games/micro-somethings over 6 weeks to finally find a store that stocked them. In any case, after I had finished the game a few times I lent it to a friend, he was not as lucky to own a copy. They were still quite rare even after Christmas. Long story short, it got around like a street corner hooker and was never seen or heard from again.

Put two people who hate each other in an elevator for 12 hours. What happens?

642 Things to Write About

I believe in humanity.  I get warm fuzzy feelings when people are kind.  I want to believe that if one of the two found year-old bag-candy of questionable colour or musty clothing in their packrat purse, it would be shared!  I would be that packrat and I think you should be too!

Think about it, the situation is dire but it's also an opportunity to mend a broken relationship.  Here is my list of things you should pack in your emergency crisis relationship rescue pack (1) granola bars or preserved fruit, (2) a fully stocked first aid kit and, (3) two towels.

What would you bring?

You are looking down through the skylight as chefs prepare dinner for your ex-fiancé's wedding.

642 Things to Write About

ENTER SCENE.

ERIC:
What am I doing up here? So very odd. This totally reminds me of a scene from Ratatouille when Remy first finds his way to Paris and Chef Gusteau's restaurant. I should return to the ground. I wonder what on earth possessed me to climb up there in the first place. I wonder why I`m wondering out loud. But wait, that's my fiancé!

CHEF GUSTEAU:
Ex-fiancé, mon ami, for you are dead.

Dramatic music plays in the background *Dun dun daaa*

What could have happened to you in high school that would have altered the course of your life?

642 Things to Write About

OK seriously I should try to do these blog posts mid-day instead of at the end. Originally, I wanted to have a full day to collect my thoughts about the inspiration but I find that I just end up forgetting to write something before midnight.

Anyways, this is an easy inspiration! There are a few easy items that probably would have changed anyone, e.g. university selection. I think the most profound decision was to change. At some point, conscious or unconscious, I made a decision to change from a sad mopey kid to somebody different. Different how? I can't really say because I am also uncertain but I know I felt different. It was like an Oprah moment when something clicks and you slowly transform from a toad into a beautiful princess, miraculous.

So how would things have turned out if I wasn't the beautiful princess I am today? Well for one thing, I probably wouldn't enjoy talking to people as much as I do today so a dream career in social media would probably be out of the question. I imagine myself in an alternate reality as a computer programmer, an unsuccessful one.

Describe the most recent moment when you couldn't think of anything to say.

Were you having a hard time making conversation, or were you simply dumbfounded? -- 642 Things to Write About

Haha my friends know that sometimes I am an awkward conversationalist. That's not to say I have don't have things to talk about, I do. The secret is that deep inside I am still every bit as sarcastic and apathetic as I was in middle school. The only difference now is that I think before I speak which leaves conversations hanging sometimes. I think this is for the best.

That's one reason I enjoy writing.

Write a short story that is set in Argentina in 1932, in which a teacup plays a crucial role.

I don't know about your thoughts on short story writing but my last foray into short stories ended in pages of unreadable content. I think short story writers, writers in general even, are very talented and have great vision. To have a story provide depth in a few pages its truly masterful. Writing a novel on the other hand I believe takes passion and determination. Who would willingly write hundreds of pages? Thousands if we look at series like Harry Potter.

I follow a Fantasy series called The Wheel of Time and it's onto its 14th book due out in January, +11000 pages. I have been waiting 11 years for a conclusion. My wait is actually shorter than fans that have followed the series since its birth in 1990; it will be 23 years! I get reader's fatigue from trying to finish any book so forget about forcing myself to read a draft 50 times.

Anyways the next time 642 Things to Write About asks me to write a short story and you are presented with a few paragraphs you will know why.

Write a scene in which a women is fired after only a week on the job.

Just a week earlier, the same person who is now firing her was very persuasive in convincing her to take the job. --642 Things to Write About

This is beyond bizarre. While I applaud the writers for allowing me to think beyond the obvious sexual harassment scene I hope these inspirations don't require me to write any more scenes; I'm not a playwright. I do believe it's interesting to assess my assumptions. I pictured the boss in this scene to be male which allowed for the harassment plot to arise.

My assumption reminds me of the Men's Right Movement. When I first heard about the movement I laughed it off but then I read into it a bit further (yay wiki!). I have come to realize in some cases men are treated unfairly. I can't find any sources right now but for the interested reader you can confirm these two "facts" I remember: (1) The definition of rape for many jurisdictions is limited to a male perpetrator and a female victim and (2) Women are favoured in child custody cases and men are favoured in paying child support.

The first point is an issue because rape statistics don't tell the whole story of men being raped my men, men being raped by women or women being raped by other women. Those three categories of assault, in some jurisdictions, are classified as "other sexual offenses." So when you hear something like "99% of the offenders being male," the statistic is skewed. If women raping men isn't defined as rape in a given state, then it would contribute to the bias. The different definitions depending on jurisdiction don't allow for perpetrators to be charged with the proper crime and given the proper sentence.

Anyways it's something to think about before going to bed. If you are interested I would ask Google (esp to fact check). While I definitely do not agree with/understand much of the Men's Right Movement I am definitely for keeping an open mind.

Name the trees that stood in the neighbourhood where you grew up.

642 Things to Write About

There is one tree in particular I recall.  The one that used to grow on my front lawn struck down by some pretty fantastical winds.  It was a birch tree.  According to wiki those little things that fell from its branches are called catkins.  As a child I felt foolish sweeping them off our driveway.  Why would any sane person sweep dirt off their driveway? There will always be dirt there; it's outside after all!

Anyways, we have since replaced the old birch with a new one.  It will be years before it grows tall enough drop catkins on the driveway for the next generation of youth to build memories and to feel foolish.

How morbid

A storm destroys your uncle's shed and kills his six-year-old son.  Describe the colour of the sky right before the storm hit. -- 642 Things to Write About

Let's call the sky colour storm-grey and be done with it.  In my opinion, inspirations are meant to be uplifting and hit you like Emeril Lagasse.  The weather I find most uplifting is that strange mix of super fluffy white and dark grey clouds during scattered showers.  I delight in the randomly distributed pockets of sunlight.

Why? It reminds me of video game cinematics when I've defeated some big boss and saved the world.  Haha, TRUTH!  You better believe that I've saved the world multiple times.  I am a hero. :)  And that's how inspiration should work, BAM!

device in the future

Describe an electronic device in the future that you won't know how to operate. -- 642 Things to Write About

I think with the strong focus on design and user experience there will be few electronic devices that people won't know how to operate. I truly believe the customer will win out on this one. We can see how Apple products stirred the pot with the iPod and won over consumers. We can also see how competitors like Google and Microsoft are trying to provide the best experience across all their products.

For example, currently I have the hardest time understanding my thermostat. It really should be simple. Set the temperature and go. To this day, we can't figure out how to change it from Fahrenheit to Celsius, the manual long lost! Enter innovation, we get Nest. From what I hear, it's plug and play and simply delightful. I know this is a popular opinion but in the future I believe there will be no device not designed based on user intuition on how it should work.

Having said all that, I believe if I were transported to the Star Trek universe I wouldn't have a clue how to use anything but that wouldn't stop me from trying!  Beam me up Scotty!